Waking Up At Work

17 Jun

Imagine you wake up to the sound of the very annoying cell phone ring owned by your co-worker. It sings in your ears until you make the move to hop out of bed. Oh, but here, looking right at you, is that lovely co-worker insisting that NOW is the time for juice and talk and going over the morning meeting minute sheet. You find yourself waking up inside your office. Yes, there is the familiar tacky office art and your trusty leather chair. Wtf?!?

The Boss

No sooner have your feet hit the floor when bam, your assistant is rattling off to-do’s and shoving marbles in your mouth. You saunter down the hall to the bathroom to brush your teeth, wash your face and get ready for the day but your assistant is trailing you like butter on toast. You can’t shake her. So you succumb to her charm and she happily walks right past you to take a seat on the stool to watch. She is not a very good watcher however – she immediately starts rearranging the bathroom drawers, taking everything out one by one while you try and hop around her to use the sink. She is not a very good cleaner either so you hastily throw your stuff back in their drawers as you scoot out the door backwards making sure your assistant doesn’t go back in to start the whole mess over again.

She gives you a kiss and a funny story so you forgive her almost immediately.

Off to the kitchenette you share with the rest of your office – now here in addition to your assistant is your boss, your co-workers, some stuffed animals and a plastic baby or two. Seems as though everyone wants an explanation as to where on Earth did you put the lego tower and why is the picnic spread I put out last night missing? All you can hear is your stomach growling. You start cooking.

As you hurriedly scarf down your toast and eggs, one of your co-workers insists on sitting on your lap. He’s a little smaller than the others so he must think this is perfectly acceptable behavior. You just want to eat. But now that lap-sitter co-worker is stealing your food! And the other guy is spreading his entire breakfast all over his face, chest and table (oh and did we mention he isn’t very skilled at clean-up either?) And your boss really likes the look of your meal and demands you make her a plate as well. RIGHT NOW! You are starting to realize that you work with some bossy yet ridiculously charming people. And you are still hungry.

Getting dressed is no easier a task. Trying to find those black pants in the back of your closet is proving difficult when that darn boss of yours is hammering you to repeat that story about the merger for the one hundredth time. You think about throwing her out of your office room but know better – this will only start a war that could lead to an harassment case that frankly you just don’t have the energy for. Seems as though that small co-worker (the one that likes to sit on your lap at mealtimes) decided to drop in during your sleeping hours and interrogate you about yesterday’s meeting. Interrupted sleep does not a motivated or giddy mind make.

When you are finally groomed, fed and dressed it is only 8 AM and you feel as though you have been to Hell and back. Already. At 8 AM. Hell and back.

Welcome to your morning. Have fun at work today. Mwah!

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